Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
