He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
