And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fuck appropriateness.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
