he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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