PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's the barista slut.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
