I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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