I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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