My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
