btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh god it's open bar.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
