try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
