just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
