a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
