He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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