This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
