last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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