you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
