Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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