I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
