I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
