i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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