i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
