i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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