fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
