I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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