So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
