You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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