I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
