He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
