you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
