We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
