i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
