Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
