I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
