well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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