butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
