Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
