What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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