The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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