i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
