Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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