I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
