He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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