are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
