evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
