The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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