so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
