Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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