I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
