I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
