Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
