dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
